1/3 The Ballad of John and SoCo

I have a few stories that need posting, but the rest of them may have to wait till a later date, 'cause I'd like to actually accomplish something that society would recognize as productive at some point this afternoon, and seeing as I just spent the last, oh, hour and a half, chatting with a pretty girl, I feel like I'm falling behind on said objectives. I only have time for one today, and it is the Ballad of John and SoCo.

It seems, you see, that our very own John is more of a hippie, or perhaps just even more of a beatles fan, than we realized. I discovered this when I came home late one night to find him holding his very own bed-in on one of the common room couches. Unlike his namesake, our John was ostensibly alone in his pursuits, but when I sought to move him, it became apparent that there was a force much greater than his desire for world peace holding him to the couch, a force much greater than even a small asian woman, for John was passed out drunk, held to the couch by two thousand newtons of his own completely limp body mass. The devious SoCo must have worked it's charm on him, and broken up the glorious group that is H35. What a great shame. My continued attempts to wake him all failed - I think would have had to crucify him then and there to get even the slightest rise - so I went to bed scared that my friend was dead.
He had left by the time I got up five hours later.

My next story: Good mor... night?