Happy Christmas H3!

This may be too terrible to post...

I went to church.

The raging atheist went to Church.

If you're against shameless irreverence, please stop reading here. By continuing to read past this point, you agree not to complain about what a bad person I am.

I sat beside my little brother, who delighted in picking apart the words of the lord as much as I did. I complained about classism during the priest's chat with the kids sitting in front of the altar: "Mary and Joseph didn't have much money, so they were... what?" "Poor, that's right."

I also have a policy of flirting with someone every time I go to church. Ideally, I'd sit with my friend Matt, and we'd enjoy our sexy sacrilege together, but he wasn't there, so I had to settle for chatting up a grade 12 girl from my highschool, rather disappointing. Luckily, that wasn't actually all of my flirting, but I'll get to that later.

My best decision of the entire evening was to bring some technology with me, namely an iPod and cell phone. The iPod was the real life saver during such creepy moments as the apostle's creed. Ironically, I had actually been listening to christian gangster rap all day. Although I do probably know half the Christmas mass by heart, I wasn't so rude as to keep my headphones the entire time. They were just for emergencies. People praying make me really uncomfortable.

The cell phone, however, was mainly just to satisfy my atheist urges in ways that muttering blasphemous comments into my brother's ear could not.
Here are the text messages that ensued, starting with one to a friend inside the church.

To: Hilary Duff Cell
"Church is not a good place for me. All I can see in that adorable choir of children are innocent souls being ensnared, pure minds, corrupted.
We later decided to sit together next year.

The next recipient was not present.
Outgoing:
"I do not belong in Church. *twitch* must... flirt..."
Incoming:
"You're a terrible person. Is that our lord's flesh in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me."
Outgoing:
"Have you felt the lord within you?"
Incoming:
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned. So many sins..."
Outgoing:
"Then kneel before me...."
Incoming:
"I think I lost my rosary somewhere in the pews. Will you help me look?"
Outgoing:
"I think I saw it in the confessional."

I'm trying to figure out if i should even go next year, but I feel like it's an integral part of actually celebrating Christmas, paying homage to its roots, rather than just paying for merchandise.